the repatriation of onebluegreen



I am tired but unable to sleep. Earlier tonight I was thinking about how nice it is to sleep with someone curled around me. Someone who also likes to sleep with three pillow. I sleep on my left side with a body pillow between my knees and to hug, one under my head and one covering my head. I have spent years perfecting this head pillow cover; it covers the top of my head, eyes and ears but I leave a space for my mouth.

The head pillow blocks light and muffles sound. I have also gotten used to the weight on my head like I am used to the weight of blankets or at least a sheet on my body. The CPA also uses three pillows although he doesn't cover his head but he uses one for his knees and the other he must use to hug since I am the only one with the body pillow. You wouldn't think two grown adults and six pillows could fit comfortably in a full size bed but we do.

When we spent the weekend at the Lake in a queen bed we barely touched. Even back to back. It was strange how much room six inches (isn't that the difference between a full and queen sized bed?)

[Life Guard 10 just flew by. At least I imagine it was the medical helicopter because the city doesn't have any other helicopters other than helicopter ride that comes with the fair that sets up at the civic center in May during what always turns out to be a rainy week. I am surprised they the traveling carnival still comes year after year. Anyway, other than the carnival helicopter anytime I hear a helicopter fly by my house I know it is the medical one. At one in the morning I wonder if they are returning from a traffic accident?]

I had forgotten what it was like to fall asleep with someone entwined with your body. Legs wrapped with legs, a right arm curved around my rib cage like a pageant banner, and holding hands above my head with the other hand. Well, at least until one of us needs to roll. And then at some point, no matter how comfortable I was, the need to toss and turn so much that I get out of bed.

I have slept part of my restless time on the couch although both nights I did that I woke up nightmaring. I have slept on my yoga mat with a blanket on my floor which was more comfortable than it sounds. For some reason I never go to the other beds. Maybe b/c those rooms don't have ac? Maybe b/c the spare bedrooms house the cat food and liter box?

Before I came into my office/closet to check email and update dland I sat in my room on the chair looking. Just looking. I could see b/c of the green light of the ac, the red light of the surge protector, the light of the moon (?) or some sort of light through my windows. The ambient light was peaceful.

When I checked my email I had one from the Scientist brother saying his mother-in-law died Friday. She'd fallen last week and had been in some sort of coma. She had a DNR stating if she wasn't getting progressive better she wanted to be disconnected from any type of support after one week. A week later they unplugged her although I don't think she was hooked up to much and she died.

I didn't know the mother-in-law well. I'd met her maybe once or twice but I know my s-i-l is close to her and she'll be a wreck. The sad thing is I want to tell her something soothing but there isn't anything I can say. Sure, time helps but the loss is always there. If you're lucky you learn constructive ways to deal with it.

12:47 a.m. - 2009-08-17


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