the repatriation of onebluegreen

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Money...

Maybe money can't buy happiness but it certainly helps make life more comfortable. As I mentioned in my last entry it is nice to have internet. Internet at home is almost a necessity, especially for my work, which periodically involves needing to FTP ASAP. A home copy of the expensive graphic software I use at work is also almost a necessity. Even though I am one of the fat, lazy g0vernment w0rkers we about during recessions I frequently work at home, on my own time. Even when I am not working on a specific project the more proficient I become using the software I use at work the better and faster I can do my job.

A MacBook Pro, however, is not a necessity. I can justify the need because of graphic and film use both personally and professionally but I could get by with something less. A wireless keypad and magic trackpad are also not necessities. The IKEA bookshelf, new Persian rug and my F0ssi1 watch (all recent purchases) are also not necessities. However, I am enjoying them immensely. The 1pad I gave Blackbelt as a thank you gift for thousand ways he helped me during my move (post break up and getting back together of course) has brought me happiness because he really enjoys it. He said it is the best gift anyone has given him ever. I have used his 1pad when we are together and it is a joy to use. Hard to explain but it is a joy because it is something useful that you never knew could be useful until you held it in your hands.

I have wondered if I am becoming materialistic. There is something about being in N0VA and having access to such great shopping that would make it easy to spend my time that way but I don't have the desire to do that. I don't want to shop just to shop. I don't have the need or the desire to fill my time. I am shopping for certain things to make my nest and life run smoother. I think I have or maybe am in the process of making peace with my hangups about money.

I always believed you either had money or time. My choice was always time. I remember the last blonde saying he'd never met someone who made choices based on time. What has changed is I understand that I can have money and time. I understand that it is neither good nor bad that I loved the penthouse apartment I looked at near the train station.

In my family my father had money but he wasn't happen. My great grandmother's brother C1int0n had a lot of money and was a miserly, miserable, SOB. My great grandmother had less money and was a happier person although she welded the money she had over my father in order to control him. My Mom really never had much money but was a generous person who never focused on money. I rarely heard her say that something was expensive. Or that we couldn't do something because of money. Even if that was true and we didn't do something because we didn't have enough money, the money aspect wasn't the focus. Mom, however, once said to me when I was trying to get rid of something that I didn't want who did I I think I was a rich b1tch who could just buy another. It was a strange statement that has stayed with me, in part, because it was unusual for my Mom to say something like that. But thinking about the statement now makes me realize that Mom had her own issues with money but she generally was more gracious and private in dealing with them.

So back to me, money and now. I am pretty sure I am now making more than my Dad or stepfather made per year. Or I could just be close because my Dad always worked two jobs plus my Dad inherited a lot of money. My stepfather in the last few years of his life was making in the $70,000s so I might not surpass him or my Dad until next year.

This is a big deal for me. When I lived at R's I made between $8,000-@20,000. Getting hired at the Museum was a big deal because unlike the Ballet and the restaurant my job had paid vacation and sick days and my salary was $25,000-28,000. A year after the Museum I was recruited by the Agency. My salary jumped to $35,000. Four years later I am making more than double that.

If I had followed most of my classmates and practiced law I most likely would have made this much 15 or so years ago.

I think it has taken this long for me to believe it is OK for me to earn money. It is OK for me to spend money.

As new agey as this sounds I have come to see that money really is just energy. The energy can stagnate, it can shock, or it can be useful it is flowing properly.

This doesn't mean I am going to give up my 12 year H0nda anytime soon. Some things, like new cars, I haven't quite wrapped my brain around. :-)

7:49 p.m. - 2011-07-07

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