the repatriation of onebluegreen


my cousin G

Forty-one days much for writing regularly. A few days after my last entry I received a call from my Mom's niece same-bday-as-me (SBAM). She said head bad news.Aunt S died? No, her son G committed suicide. G was found by his son. Mom's family lives on the West Coast so I hadn't seen G in 10 or so years but I was still shocked.

I called CPA and left a message on his voicemail. This time he returned my call. His reasons/excuses for not calling are unimportant. I told him how I felt. He apologized, I think, and more time rolled by. He was great during the many snowstorms. My sidewalks and back deck have never been so clear. I was also sick during two of the snowstorms & he was great at taking care of me. But (which we all knew the but was coming) he has been incommunicatio again. Last week he stayed with his parents. I spoke with him Friday but he wasn't sure about his plans. He was thinking of taking his daughter to Cville for a college weekend. I asked him to drop by to say hi. He didn't drop by nor did he call. Saturday I didn't call. Sunday morning I did. He texted. Said he was having lunch with his daughter. He asked if I was ok. While I was getting my hair cut he called. I texted back, said I was fine. I didn't hear from him the rest of Sunday. I didn't hear from him Monday. Or so far Tuesday morning. No amount of caretaking or fun company can make up for the insensitivity in disappearing. The fact that he also does it to his parents makes it worse. The good news is thank god he has been himself now rather than waiting until we were much more involved. Can I stick to my convictions this time? Yes, because I am no longer worried that after my break up it will be three more years before I date again. I have a lot more faith. Faith in myself that I am open and ready. And just faith in the universe. I'll explain later. BTW, the PIP is going fine eventhough I gave up C0ke & Dr. Pepper (I don't drink coffee)for Lent.

8:46 a.m. - 2010-02-23


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